Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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