i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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