Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
