You made me cry and you don't even care
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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