Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
