So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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