I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
