If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
