if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
