guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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