you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
