omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
