So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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