Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
