it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she told me i tasted like america
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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