I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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