I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
