It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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