I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
