And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
