update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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