Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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