This is not my ceiling
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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