Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
