The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can text with my tongue
you didnt know i had herpes?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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