I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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