She said her name was "party"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
