she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
