yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
