Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
