david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
