Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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