woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
