dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
