So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
