i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
