tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
