Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
