I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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