I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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