I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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