Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My pussy is not your playground.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
