some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
