I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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