someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
