Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
