you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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