guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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