they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
