bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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