I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
