am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
